trust? and a lot of random thoughts..

I doubt myself. I do NOT doubt God. I trust HIM, I do NOT know how He trusts ME.

I'm often confused at how much He trusts me. He has given me an amazing husband.. six beautiful (and challenging) children.

I hear strangers call me superwoman, my husband tells me I am strong.

Why don't *I* feel any of these things? I feel like a child, lost, and scared.

I wake up everyday, and pray that I can make it.. I often lose my patience, and yell.

I desire to be a gentle parent, and I YELL? How does that work?

I don't even know.

I homeschool. That is a different challenge every. single. day. But I carry on.

There was recently a meme posted on facebook with a quote that said "The days are long, but the years are short." That is still ringing in my mind. This is VERY true when it comes to homeschooling. These DAYS feel like they will NEVER END. Yet, here we are ending our third year homeschooling. I can say I am so glad that we have found "our perfect curriculum".. I know that it isn't everyone's, and it's often too much hands on for me to see to the daily chores, adding in Poppy, and there is a HOT MESS UP IN HUR!

We are *this close* to being finished with our school year. Yet it seems, daily, that we will NEVER get our summer vacation.

This summer we will fill with fun things, but we also are going to start changes. BIG changes to make next school year move a little more gracefully. {notice I did NOT say "easily"}

We will purge the home of every. single. thing. that does not bless us. Because our 40 bags in 40 days challenge was a HUGE flop this year. While we did this last year before the move to Georgia, our new home is still flooded and causing stress, NOT love, NOT peace.

I pray that this summer we can work on that peace.

If I did not trust Him, I could not do any of the things I do. I may not do them well, but I do muddle through.

I desire to do things that please my husband, my children, but mostly to please God.

And yet, I fail. A LOT. Daily.

My husband calls me strong, and I seriously do NOT see it. Right now, I mostly feel overwhelmed and scared. I am doubting myself, my vocation, my abilities, but not my God. He will carry me through anything, and I know that His plan is bigger than mine, so right now I'm going to think about things I can do to help myself, my family in my vocation.

I haven't been blogging because, honestly, I'm tired of writing nonsense. Our days aren't terribly exciting, so just blogging about laundry and school work.. meh.

The blog has become another chore I don't WANT to do.. but I also REALLY WANT TO BLOG!

So, here's where I am..a mom, tired, and struggling with the madness that is my life, tired of appeasing some, and no longer writing for me. So, when I blog (and I have no idea how often that will happen for a while) it will be fairly raw and honest, like my own form of therapy! (And I can stay home with the clones at the same time!! Win:win!

So, as we wrap up our school year, and begin the "SUmmer of the Purge", I welcome you to ride along with me, find me on facebook (that's where I'm at my best! ;)) and grab a cup of coffee.. this is going to get sirius!

five favorites, a second go

1. Finding small things that you already own and use, work really well on something you've been hunting, and buying, and spending money on! p>For me, we have never had granite counter tops before this house.
I've been buying product after product that claims to be great for granite, only to see a slimy film, or spend $4 a bottle!!! Ain't no body got time for that! (or money, at $4 a bottle of daily use, that can REALLY add up fast)
Well, the other day, while trying to do something in the kitchen, I found a random sticky spot, so I used the Dr. Bronners mix I make for the table.. and LO AND BEHOLD, a beautiful shiny granite counter!
SHUT. UP!
So, there's a huge savings there, and I LOVE that.. and the real lavender smell ain't bad either.

2.

The Conclave!!!

I'm addicted to EWTN right now, can't get enough, I'm buzzing with excitement!

I can't get enough, the waiting is KILLING me, and yesterday my poor kids were held hostage at the laptop!

Can't wait for the white smoke, so clearly it'll happen today when I'm at the dentist.

Do you think we'll have a new Pope by the weekend? I really think we'll know by Friday.

See? I told you!

3.

BB Creme!! my friend Jen talked me into buying and giving it a try, and I really feel like I can see the difference in my face right away!! NICE!

This is what I ended up trying BB Creme Garnier

Not too spendy, and so far, my face hasn't had any allergic sort of reaction!! Win, Win!

4.

I love that almost a year after moving to Georgia, we're starting to make more friends!

We're branching out here folks. It's hard to make new friends as a homeschooling family. We're HOME and when we aren't, we're busy.

We are getting more involved now that Poppy is here, and we can leave the house and all..

It's nice. It's nice for the kids, and lifesaving for me!

I even have had a couple ladies nights, and I'm getting a little pampering this weekend!

5.

Whole food eating..

I'm trying to get better at making food choices, but it's REALLY HARD! The processed foods are so much cheaper, and colorful, and tempting!

But Daddy & I are slowly working our way there, we just bought 12lbs of lean grassfed beef, we're using more coconut oil, grassfed butter, and sneaking veggies in to meals with the clones hardly noticing! I'm even making green smoothies! HA!

I feel a little lost though, it's a vast world out there, ya know? I don't know where to begin. I also don't want to stay in these big postpartum pants for a lot longer!! Is there even a balance?

Thanks for putting up with me, and if you'd like to read MUCH BETTER writers, go along and click over to Moxie WIfe and see what everyone else is loving this week!

VIVA LA PAPA!!!

Five Favorites, my first one, EVER!

I'm jumping on another blog hop, this one brought to you by The Moxie WIfe!! It's five favorites, and here's the awesome part, they don't need to be anything specific, just five things you're totally in love with! I'm big on blog hops right now because I can't seem to think for myself! ;)

Plus, my blog wouldn't be THAT bad if it were ALL blog hops for a while, right?

First, I'm IN LOVE with Dweej. Seriously, she's so awesome, and yesterday's post.. well, if you know what's going on with Poppy, and my supply, YOU KNOW I loved yesterday's boob juice post! I'm a total creeper and want to marry D, she at least needs to be my neighbor or something so we can have coffee together and watch little girls have total breakdowns!
2) Gregorian CHant. I love it. LOVE IT LOVE LOVE LOVE. It brings me calm, it is prayer, and it is beauty. Here's something for you to listen to for a few moments while you read.. Litaniae Sanctorum

three: Bacon. Do I need to say more? No? Well, here, just drool on your computer then, OK?
For you low fat folks:

and for pork fat lovers everywhere!!

Quatro: BABYWEARING!!
I have a pinterest board on it (and you should TOTES FOLLOW IT!!)
I just sold my first woven, I love it, I love how it works, feels, everything, but the color was wrong for Poppy. Color is a big deal for me..

So, I bought this one to replace it..
Now I have to wait for this beauty!!

fifth thing I'm in LOVE with this week: My husband. He's amazing, he's so patient and funny, and handsome, I am so lucky, blessed, and I know he adores me.. because he shows me!!

40 bags, in 40 days

Here it is, Ash Wednesday, and the start of another Lenten Season.

Last year for Lent, we challenged our family to get rid of 40 bags of things before Easter (and before our big move to Georgia).

We did it!!

We got rid of more than just the 40 bags (we used some boxes as well), but we didn't count any furniture or BIG items in this at all.

If you want to count them, you can, we were just attempting to live a more simple life.

We need to continue that this year, but with 8 people, our clutter adds up. FAST!

Someone asked me today, "Where do you START?" Well, I like to do one room a day, and start with OBVIOUS trash, old mail, scraps of paper, tissues.. you know. TRASH.

Then, really look deep, and see what you are no longer using, but could sell, or donate.

Now, sometimes it's impossible to get an entire bag of trash from one room, some it's easy to almost get the full 40 out of one, no shame here, just working to better your station. So, feel free to just spend 10 minutes or so walking around the house grabbing trash. Do NOT attempt to over do it, you have 40 days here folks. Do not go crazy. Take baby steps.

MAKE A DATE FOR A YARD SALE, DO NOT HOLD ONTO THESE ITEMS (if you're planning on selling).

For your donate items, as soon as you have a full bag (box), take it to your goodwill/Salvation Army/Thrift store. DO NOT DELAY it.

If you have kids, they will get into your boxes or bags and they WILL remove items.

So, look around your home, do you need to play along with me? If you need help, a visual reminder, I've made one for you! Go here and print it out, hang it where you'll see it EVERYDAY! (Even if you can only work HARD during the weekends, it's OK, this will remind you what you are working for.

No matter WHAT your final number is, any form of simplifying your home, your lives, your cars, can and will bring you closer to Jesus. It will make you decrease, and Him increase. That's the ultimate goal of Lent, is it not?

Follow along on Twitter with this hashtag: #40bags

Keep me posted, and I will do the same!

May God bring you much peace this Lent.

WIWS: the SATURDAY (Baptism) edition

I love Baptisms, ALL of them.
Is there anything more pure, beautiful, than watching someone receive the gift of new life in Jesus?
I didn't think so.
Well, today it was Poppy's turn!

The big girls, Daddy, and I received reconciliation before the baptism began. (and these are some of my most very favotirest shoes, EVER! (pay no attention to the toe socks behind the shoe)
So as to fit the most perfect of all the stereotypical Catholic ideals.. we changed the baby girl in the pew.

You do that too, right?

(OK, here I have to admit something, the DSLR on auto still takes WAY better photos than the iphone 4)
Here are some gratuitous photos of our stunning parish..
(These are thanks for my friend KK -cell phone- who came down from the ATL to celebrate with us!)







Here's where it gets REALLY COOL (for us), we didn't have a "normal" "run of the mill" Catholic Baptism, Nope. Not us!
We had the Old Form!!
It had three parts, and this is where I *really* wish we'd gotten to keep the pamphlets, as my brain was engaged in the moment.
Anyway, our Godparents live in Virginia, and were unable to attend, so our friends here stood up for Poppy today.
We started in the back of the church, to symbolize being "outside", then it gets all fuzzy, and the Latin made it beautiful, but then I don't know a LOT of Latin.





The blessing of the Salt.
































Her first taste of Blessed food..

The exorcism,(not a drop of split pea soup)

Then we moved to the alter, and I honestly can't remember what that meant, but here ya go..

Then, over to the Baptismal Font!





Bean is so beautiful...


Here's the bit you all know!




There you have her, the newest member of the Church!
And the "wedding style photos" go.. NOW!


As good as this many people {ahem, kids} gets:


Father McDonald with Poppy



My Friend KK (our photographer today)

Then of course, we had CAKE!!

Now, here's what you came for, What I WORE!!

Top from Costco, skirt, Kohl's, shoes, I think are from Macy's... AGES ago..Ring Sling, made for ME (custom job) By KK!!
Poppy wore a baptismal gown from our family heritage, this gown was worn by my mother, myself, and all her siblings!
KK, wore: a tank top from Target & the cardigan is from Kohl's!
(counts as 2 blogs, in one,right?)
Don't forget to follow along over at Fine Linen and Purple!!